Real life is often messy and unpredictable. That fact is one I’m constantly bumping up against because of perfectionism and insecurities. I used to think I wasn’t an anxious person, but as I became an adult and lived life I swiftly realized I’d been lying to myself. Now I’ve been on a journey of self-improvement or actualization, or whatever you want to call it (that will continue my entire life because I’m human), of figuring out how to root out those negative thought patterns and fears.

All of this to say I had just gotten my windshield replaced on my minivan (it’s pricey so I used insurance and paid my deductible), put my two weeks notice in at my federal contractor job because of the mandate and toxic work environment, and a week later I hit a deer on my way to work. I was not pleased.

These are the situations that crop up in life that make me so mad and laugh at the same time- usually more the mad part. I used to think naively that if I was doing all the “right” things as a Christian that life should go smoothly. I was swiftly disillusioned of that idea in my young adult years. Now-a-days, I still struggle with this reality and will sit in my anxiety and fear for quite awhile, feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in my pity party. This deer-hitting-my-van situation was no different. The inconvenience, especially at this time in my life of huge change and uncertainty, made me spiral into the triggers for anxiety and fear that I struggle with.

I found out I had not paid for the extra insurance coverage for a rental car so we tried to make do with our vehicles. Our third set of wheels broke down and left us with one vehicle and two people with jobs. Because of the shortages and delays for parts and stuff it was going to be about 3 weeks before I got my van back. We looked at our options and decided to pay out of pocket and rent a car knowing there were shortages there also. Come to find out after I had reserved a car, driven all the way into downtown KC to get a cheaper one, and unable to find parking in my monster of a pickup truck, they didn’t have a car available. Rental companies are reserving more vehicles than what they actually have at any given moment. I don’t know if it was the fact that I got there first or I was renting it for an extended period of time, but the nice man gave me the very last car that was reserved for someone else who was late, and even let me have it for my original pricing. It’s a gorgeous 2021 Hyundai sedan and is a pretty sweet ride. They told me the insurance I purchased for the rental through a third party might not cover everything were I to have a collision, and my personal vehicle insurance also might not cover certain things. Needless to say I’m a little paranoid and frankly have PTSD about hitting deer because of our current tenuous situation and the fact it’s deer-running-across-the-road-season. That news about insurance coverage didn’t make me happy.

So that whole rental situation all worked out barely… and that evening as I was going to pick up my hubby from work I nearly hit another deer on the country roads- and I was driving like a granny! 🙇🏻‍♀️ Then it poured down rain on the drive home and I couldn’t see the road…*sigh*.

I was so anxious that day, and as I sit back and reflect on it I just laugh. This is stuff of books. But you know what, this is life. As my husband tells me repeatedly, “We’re living the dream, Babe!”This is another notch in my belt of situations that I learn from, will laugh about in years to come and wonder why I was so uptight about everything. Moral of the story: chill out, soldier on, and give yourself a break… we’re all human and this is real life (pointing at myself). 😁